I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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