It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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