yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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