That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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