The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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