i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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