Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
