it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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