i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
