There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
