I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
