im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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