Will you blow on my dice?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
