i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
