i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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