my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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