I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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