Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
