i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
