I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
