If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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