Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am puke
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
