im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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