Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
