The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
