They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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