her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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