I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
