he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
