Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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