LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
