I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
