my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
