Me too!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
