STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I want is dick and wine.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
