oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
