I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
