So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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