Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
