dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
