Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
