it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
