i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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