Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
