Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My life is pants optional.
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