You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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