i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
