I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
