Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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