quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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