I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
