Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
