I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry my hands just texted you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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