God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
