Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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